Resonating with White

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."

E.B. White made this remark. E.B. White, Pulitzer Prizer winner and author of such children's classics as Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little. Interesting.

I've loved this quote from the first time I heard it from a friend in college. It so captures the pull, the tension I feel so often in my life.

kindred spirits

It's so beautiful to connect with a kindred spirit. This week has been especially beautiful in this way. Because I met Carrie.

Carrie and I initially met via email. We were both looking for a roommate. I've been in Baltimore this week for Care Net's National Pregnancy Center Conference. Carrie and I were both looking to split the cost of a hotel room by finding a roommate. And boy, am I so glad we found each other!

Carrie and I understand each other. We're both passionate people. Both searching for the truth. Both wanting to reach out with love and hope to women who find themselves in unplanned pregnancies. Wanting to strive for organizational excellence in our nonprofits. Desiring God's best for our lives and the lives of those around us. Both wanting to love our God and the people around us with not just our hearts, but our minds and souls, our bodies and our whole complete selves. Both praying for continued healing in our lives, and trusting our Father to continue using us as we humbly continue to follow.

The best thing here at Conference is definitely the people. People who understand the ministry. Who are living the ministry. So beautiful.

Thank You, God, for kindred spirits.

on insecurities

So I'm visiting this new (to me) church in the Quad Cities. The minister is midway through a message series on emotions that can cripple. Last night's focus was on insecurity. How very appropriate. As I enter this new season of life and ministry, I am faced with new situations. New people, new places, the unknown. And the unknown inevitably brings with it some level of anxiety because you're not sure what to expect. A wave of initial insecurity. Having to remember who you are, whose you are.

advocate

I want to be an advocate for strong, faithful, passionate marriage relationships.

Relationships are crumbling all around me. Promises broken. Hearts broken. Hopes shattered. Dreams torn in half. It hurts so much to watch. To be near it all. And I ponder how that if it causes me so much pain, how much greater that pain must be for those involved.

How can I work to affirm the marriage relationships in my life? My family. My friends. My neighbors. I've several times been told I possess the gift of encouragement and exhortation. So now I seek to leverage that gift to work as an affirmer, an advocate, a cheerleader, a support.

Through the questions.

Taken from a personal journal dated Sunday, March 30, 2008. A year and a half ago, and yet still so relevant today. I think this expresses the searching and questions and desires of many young single Christian women. Maybe someone reading today will be able to connect. And so I share...

Green = Growth
I want/need/desire/expect to grow in this next season.

I want to take on the adventures.
And with energy.
And with people that I love and that love me.
I think that's my biggest struggle right now.

Erickson's Intimacy vs. Isolation. He is so right on. Right now in life is exactly about figuring this out. To what extent am I developing significant, intimate relationships? Who really loves and understands me? To what extent am I willing to reach out for connection verses waiting for someone else to initiate or verses retreating to my home in isolation? Tough questions. Yes, I am develoipng friendships and yes, my life is meaningful. But I do still want a best best friend who really understands me to my core. And to what extent can I even expect that from a human relationship as opposed to need to seek that in my relationship with God? Hmm.

Father, There are so many questions.
Please help me trust and worship not in spite of the questions, but through the questions, Father.

I know that You are the Good Father and that You have given us guidelines, instructions, words, letter because You love us. You want Your best for us, even more thatn we do (and yes, that is still hard to believe and accept, still working on it).

Through the questions.
Through the questions.

gotta love it

So I found an old journal of mine tonight randomly. From a year and a half ago. So intriguing. I'll share more later, but I just needed to say how amazing it is that God can work through the weirdest things. Mysterious ways, I guess is what they say.

Well the truth I know today is that God is definitely working in me. I'm reminded tonight of Philippians 1:6. The assurance that our God who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Love it. Thanks so much, Dad!

Ephesus-ians

So for the last couple weeks, I've just kept coming back to this verse about our real struggle, right? It's one of those passages where you pretty much have it memorized, but don't actually have any idea where you've read it in the Bible. Can anybody else relate here? So I tracked it down the other day.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

You find it in the middle of the armor of God passage in Ephesians 6. Duh. Don't know why I hadn't known all along that's where I would find it. Struggle, battle, armor. It's all tied together.

You know, it's always interesting to explore the context of any Scripture that you hold dearly. Because you want to know the story behind the story. I would like to know about who these Ephesians were. What was their deal? I mean, Paul sure had a lot to say to them. Just reviewing through the whole book this morning, I realize how many different great bits and pieces this letter contains.

And you know, at first glance, it seems like a lot of the bits and pieces are really random. But I'd like to explore and discover the links. The connections here. So I'm going to be camping in Ephesians for a bit. I'll keep you posted.

Katherine as Celebrity

If I could be any on-screen character, I would definitely be a cross between

Reese Weatherspoon's Elle Woods in Legally Blonde
Rachel Green from Friends, and
the character of Jacks in Love and Other Disasters.

Yes, definitely. .

so beautiful

I am starting to get really nervous about the big move. Because you know what? I love my friends here. Love them. LOVE. them. I have the best roommate in Leah. And this true-to-life community of fellow Christ-followers who loves me. Loves me enough to ask me tough questions I don't want to answer. Loves me enough to be really real and vulnerable with each other. And you know what? I've known my whole life deep down that life is about the relationships. It's about the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now. Now this day I know. I really know. It really is all about the relationships. It's about these beautiful people in our life which whom we choose to share this life. This crazy life of adventures.

Oh Father, Thank You so much for the beautiful beautiful people You've blessed me with. I ask that as I go forward to follow You into this new season of ministry that You would help me to trust. To trust You as I develop new relationships and potentially reconnect with old friends. Father, Please prepare the way. May we each be mindful each day of the amazing ways You have blessed us and the preciousness of the lives in which we get to share. I'm so thankful You've blessed us with community. Thanks for knowing us better than we know ourselves. You are too good. Thank You.

Joy in Peace

God's been speaking to me this morning and yesterday through this particular message. Contentment really only comes when we connect to Jesus. That's when we'll be able to first really embrace and experience real contentment.

http://my.ekklesia360.com/Clients/waspPopup.php?theFile=http://freeport.crossroadscn.com/media/2008-12-07-1045-joy-is-found-in-contentment.flv&w=450&h=315

more than just friends

You know, we all have friends. Most of us have people in our lives we call friends. And yet, friends is such an all-encompassing word or term. I'm quick to make friends. And I'm quick to include someone as my friend.

But let's cut to the chase. There are friends. And then there are friends. Real friends. True friends. Laugh with you out loud at you because you are just so real with each other. Make you grin from ear to ear just because you start to realize how special they are friends. Like you find yourself smiling to yourself or laughing at an inside joke even when it's just you and it's all because of your friend.

I love those friends. Love them. Can't live without friends like those. Which then begs the question: whichout such friends, is one truly living?

On marriage

When you think about it, really think about it, marriage is like the weirdest thing. I mean, I have never before had a roommate that I’ve also wanted to get naked with. I mean here we are searching for this person, this one person with whom we want to have sex and make love and make babies. But we also promise to clean up their puke, take care of them when they’re sick, share a bathroom, and do the dishes together. Wow, you really better make sure you got the right person here, huh? Because you sure are sharing a lot. Yeah. I mean that’s a lot of things you’re looking for all in one person. Better make sure you make a pretty good team.

And then I wonder, how could you possibly go about finding this person without some serious guidance and some help? Anybody with me here? I mean, I feel like I’ve got a pretty great support team. Actually, that’s under appreciating them in even saying that. I have a rockin’ great group of people who love me and want to see me succeed and want me to end up with a fabulous man in a strong healthy growing loving forever-lasting marriage. And I have my God leading me. I mean, I’ve got our Dad on my side!

So then how do people even begin to start and feel at all confidence in this search of theirs if they don't have a great dad or role model or entire cheerleading/wisdom team on their side? Man, no wonder so many people don’t believe in marriage, so many fail. We are so broken and need a leader. And I mean like a really good leader. The Leader.

Oh my Father, I am so fabulously ridiculously glad to have you on my side. Thank You. For everything. You are the best.

faithful always

So my friend Jennie lives in Sudan. She writes:

So you now know what happened this month, but how has the month been? Honestly, quite difficult. Who wants to admit that? Blech. It reeks of weakness. :) Ah, but weak I am. Very weak... Aren't you glad that even though our emotions can - and do - cycle, our Father is forever faithful to us?

Oh my, I am sooo glad! I know most girls are emotional creations. And I tend to be a really emotional even for a girl. But our Father is not dependent on how we feel. Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus!

I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately. And when you consider marriage. A promise of lifelong faithfulness. Faithful to love and serve your partner each day, in and out, even when you don’t feel like it. Wow, we sure have a good example in our Father. But wow, what a tall order. Thank You, Father, for being faithful.

Dietrich on Community

Also love this message that Jonathan quotes from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

"Whoever loves their dream of Christian community more than Christian community itself will become the destroyer of every Christian community, no matter how honest, earnest, and sacrifical their intentions may be."

Gettin Dirty

Just read some published thoughts from my friend Jonathan. Reflecting on how we as people created for community are much more like a garden needing work than a broken car. I love it. Check it out. Thanks, Jonathan.

http://www.esa-online.org/images/mmDocument/PRISM%20Archive/Features%202009/MayJun09LearningLifeLasts.pdf

Beautiful

Hanging with Barbara and Tatiana yesterday was so beautiful. Getting together with old friends. Beautiful Saturday sunshine and one of the first warmths of a new spring. Outside. Sunshine. Water and walking and friends and warmth. And dogs. Gotta love walking the dogs. Meandering through a new neighborhood. And everyone says hi when you have a dog. Love it. Feeling fresh and new beginnings. Love it.

90 Days with the Beloved Disciple

I just about chickened out. 90 Days seems like such a long time. It all started when my lovely roommate mentioned this Beth Moore devotional on the disciple John. It seemed really intriguing, and I suggested we read it together at some point. So here I am today. Day 1. Of 90. Here we go!